Dark Thirty

Soooo - the only reason I started blogging again really was to help me sleep. Perfect timing actually. I find it therapeutic. And here I sit - 4:04 am. I woke with the post alcohol shakes. I hate this feeling - which is one of the main reasons I don't overdo the booze more often. Well, that plus my grandfather was an alcoholic. He didn't drink much during the time when I grew up, but he did when he was raising daddy. And it affected my dad enough that I know I don't ever want to be that person. I'm preparing myself for motherhood... awww - how sweet.

I had to skip project runway tonight. Instead, Kriston was there. Again. Not many people know Kriston - but he's a person I will never........ EVER forget. He lay next to me after dipshit acted a total fool and treated me like crap all night long. Kris saw the whole thing. And he called one of his best friends on the planet out. And then he refused to let me stay my final night there with him. Kris walked me back to my room, kissed me on the cheek - told me everything was going to be ok - and told me he would be by at 11 to get me. And he was - but we had an hour before I had to check out. After he tapped on my door, I swung it open to find that it was appropriately rainy out. Pouring really. Which is what I had done all night. He looked at me and said, "you ok, love?" "Yeah, I'm alright." "No... no you're not." At which point he bear hugged me, told me to lay down, and he laid next to me. "No funny business" he said with this half smirk. And the tears poured - much like they did as I spoke to him last night.

I need sleep... I need to be loved. I need to be loved for what I bring to the table - not for a label I may or may not offer. Sleep will eventually call. So it goes.........