Ramblings part deux

I wonder why my brother turned out to be such a douche bag towards women... and even now toward his kids. Part of me is glad Don called him to try to talk some common sense into him. The other part of me knows it's not going to do any good.

Hey wait - Don called me a few weeks back as well and left me a message. He asked me to call him back, but I didn't. I think in the back of my mind I knew he wanted to talk to me about why I haven't been to church in a while. Being the people pleaser that I am, I don't think I'd like his reaction to what I have to say.

What would I say? How would I approach that? What I want to say is, "How can you believe what you believe? How can you never question the God you've been taught is the way the truth and the life? How can the thought not pop in your head 'hey, wait... this belief had to stem from somewhere. Let me find out where.'" And how can you trust this one dude who one day had this one thought there there was this one god and through this one god you would find eternal life... HOW DO YOU NOT QUESTION THIS???

I guess I get it though. I was a blind faith believer for mmmmm - 32 years. I questioned, but I think I feared the answers so I only dug so deep and then I'd quit. Ignorance is bliss - or so they say.

Inspiration

I found a bit of inspiration today. I told myself that if I got my clothes packed up and my room a good bit tidier than it had been, I'd reward myself with a trip to see "Avatar" finally. A lot came to me in those two-plus hours. First, what a great display of how oblivious we are to the world around us. We take advantage of every plant, animal and sadly - even people different from ourselves. A large part of our population has no peripheral vision... and by that, I do not mean sight. They can't see past the path that's laid right in front of them and they fail to see that if they look left, the animals have volumes to teach us. If we look right, we can absorb and allow lives different from our own to transform us a step closer to the people we have potential of being. Instead, for many, it's easier to degrade those who recognize the potential lessons.

I also recognized - about myself - that I continue to allow fear to rule my life. Fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of humiliation. I half-heartedly approach many things in my life and fail to give it all I REALLY have to offer... for one reason. Fear. I subconsciously look for distractions to keep me from accomplishing goals I set for myself because I'm afriad I will fail miserably - which further proves how imperfect I am. And I'm all too familiar with these imperfections.

And yes, even my wavering choice in religion was slapped right in my lap tonight. After being a very conservative Christian my entire life, it became more evident than ever that Yes - there IS a God. I can't logically explain how culture after culture, year after decade, after century, after millenium have a burning desire to worship a being higher that itself. And although each is significantly different, they're all relatively similar. Many theologies, values, and morals borrowed - one from the other. I continue to stray from any faith, despite that being the force that I know pushes me forward in a multitude of directions.

.....Step one.... Just today, meditate on this power greater than I. Tomorrow, just be aware and take one day, hour, minute at a time. IN THAT, WE APPRECIATE OUR NOW, OUR EVERY BLESSING.

Be Blessed. I know I am.