There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter... Which luckily, I am.
When I was 9 years old, I remember VIVIDLY being entrapped in a movie. I really didn't question it at the time, but as time progressed, I began to become more and more involved in the movie and could relate on some very different plane of reality to who Alice was and her many misadventures. It's no wonder. My life has been one crazy, wild, mad, adventurous ride. Most of it I wouldn't re-do, although I have my moments I would take back.
I wouldn't have saught the husband I did. I knew him to be the man he was - and may still be for all I know. I would have ended that relationship very early on and in that, saved him the hurt I caused him 5 years into our marriage. My very naive brain told me I could love him into changing... Ah, the mind of a 23 year old.
I wouldn't have wasted nearly a year and a half pouring my heart mind and soul into a man who very clearly didn't love me the way I deserved to be loved.
And now, I'm about to ... this time... learn from my past mistakes. I continue to wait by for the same mystery man from blogs past. Hoping, praying that he'll find in me what the people who really know me find. He won't find it though - until he decides he wants to look for it. Truth is that maybe I'm just not what he's looking for. And I suppose that has to be ok.
As for the rest of my crazy journey - it'll continue to be crazy and I would NOT have it any other way. I will, from a new perspective on life, enjoy every turn, scream at the top of my lungs through every loopty loop, and throw my hands up at the top of the hill and LOVE not knowing what's going to happen next.
Live in the now, friends. Enjoy the love you feel, enjoy giving that love back even more.
I sometimes feel Like I am some sort of nun and am not supposed to have this man-love that I always thought I would. I may never find it. I think sometimes about all the forms of love in the world and extract the most amount of love from each. When I hear my friends complain about their current romantic relationships and how they are lacking and unfullfilling I am so relieved that I have not succumbed to an incorrect match. I know it is not all roses and that it is work, but I just wonder if I will have another relationship with a man a MAN mind you :) and if not, I will at least have lived as the fullest woman I can be. kudos kudos my wise woman friend !!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you 110%. When I think of what I went through with Ru, it brings me to reality. While I do have very strong feelings for said mystery man... I highly doubt he ever did have, nor will ever hold the same for me. And in that moment of realization, I decided although HE is more than enough, his love (or lack thereof in this case) is not. If it ever will be, I'll know it.
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